var Quotes=new Array()
Quotes[0] = "\"There is an art . . . to flying. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss..\" 			- <i>Douglas Adams, \'The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy\'</i>";
Quotes[1] = "\"We have clearance, Clarence. Roger, Roger. What's our vector, Victor?\" - <i>Airplane</i>";
Quotes[2] = "\"Instrument flying is an unnatural act probably punishable by God.\" - <i>Gordon Baxter</i>";
Quotes[3] = "\"Lady, you want me to answer you if this old aeroplane is safe to fly? Just how in the world do you think it got to be this old?\" - <i>Anon</i>";
Quotes[4] = "Top Gun is God-Awful. That is all."
Quotes[5] = "\"Both optimists and pessimists contribute to the society. The optimist invents the aeroplane, the pessimist the parachute.\" - <i>George Bernard Shaw</i>";
Quotes[6] = "\"What is that mountain goat doing way up here in the clouds?\" - <i>Gary Larson</i>";
Quotes[7] = "\"Eagles may soar, but weasels never get sucked into jet air intakes\" - <i>Anon</i>";
Quotes[8] = "\"When asked by someone how much money flying takes: \"Why, all of it!\"\" - <i>Gordon Baxter</i> ";
Quotes[9] = "Engine Failure: A condition which occurs when all fuel tanks mysteriously become filled with air.";
Quotes[10] = "Roger: Used when you're not sure what else to say.";
Quotes[11] = "Engine Failure: A condition which occurs when all fuel tanks mysteriously become filled with air.";
Quotes[12] = "Rule one: No matter what else happens, fly the aeroplane."
Quotes[13] = "Fly it until the last piece stops moving."
Quotes[14] = "Flying is hours of boredom, punctuated by moments of stark terror."
Quotes[15] = "If you're ever faced with a forced landing at night, turn on the landing lights to see the landing area. If you don't like what you see, turn 'em back off."
Quotes[16] = "Don't drop the aircraft in order to fly the microphone."
Quotes[17] = "Speed is life, altitude is life insurance."
Quotes[18] = "If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger, if you pull the stick back they get smaller."
Quotes[19] = "To go up, pull the stick back. To go down, pull the stick back harder."
Quotes[20] = "The probability of survival is equal to the angle of arrival."
Quotes[21] = "Definition of 'pilot': The first one to arrive at the scene of an aircraft accident."
Quotes[22] = "You know you've landed with the wheels up when it takes full power to taxi."
Quotes[23] = "If you don't gear up your brain before takeoff, you'll probably gear up your airplane on landing."
Quotes[24] = "In thrust I trust."
Quotes[25] = "The six P's: Proper Preparation Prevents Piss Poor Performance."
Quotes[26] = "You can always depend on twin engine aircraft. When the first engine quits the second will surely fly you to the scene of an accident."
Quotes[27] = "CAUTION: Aviation may be hazardous to your wealth."
Quotes[28] = "If it’s ugly, it’s British; if it’s weird, it’s French; and if it’s ugly and weird, it’s Russian."
Quotes[29] = "It's a good landing if you can still get the doors open."
Quotes[30] = "You can only tie the record for flying low."
Quotes[31] = "Is that a fuel cup in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"
Quotes[32] = "Bad Things to Hear on a Plane: #1; '<i>Will all the fat people PLEASE move to the back of the plane!</i>'"
Quotes[33] = "Bad Things to Hear on a Plane: #2; '<i>This is your captain speaking, and I don't feel that life is worth living anymore.</i>'"
Quotes[34] = "Bad Things to Hear on a Plane: #3; '<i>Could somebody come up here and tell me what this button does?</i>'"
Quotes[35] = "Bad Things to Hear on a Plane: #4; '<i>We'll be on the ground in 10 minutes. One way or another.</i>'"
Quotes[36] = "Bad Things to Hear on a Plane: #5; '<i>Passengers on the left side of the plane -- does that engine sound funny to you?</i>'"
Quotes[37] = "Bad Things to Hear on a Plane: #6; '<i>We've got a warning light on up here, folks, and darn if it isn't the big one.</i>'"
Quotes[38] = "Bad Things to Hear on a Plane: #7; '<i>Due to a broken In-Flight Entertainment system, we can only offer Top Gun on continuous loop for the next 14 hours.</i>'"
Quotes[39] = "Top Gun is God-Awful. That is all."
Quotes[40] = "What is a pilot's favourite flavour of crisps? PLANE. Ha."
var A = Quotes.length;
var whichQuotes=Math.round(Math.random()*(A-1));

function showQuotes(){document.write(Quotes[whichQuotes]);}
showQuotes();